


rosebud, you deserve the world

by towardsthestars



Series: of lyrics and song meanings [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (but not really), Adele's All I Ask, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Athlete!Chanyeol, Break Up, Brief Cockwarming, Eventual Smut, First Loves, Fluff, Love for the Last Time, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Slice of Life, Song fic, Swearing, Swimmer!Chanyeol, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25134316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towardsthestars/pseuds/towardsthestars
Summary: — track 01.“look, don't get me wrongi know there is no tomorrowall i ask is...”The other looks at the outstretched invitation, knowing very well that this is wrong; after this, how could he possibly part with this angel? How can he go on, loving this man to the fullest when he knows that he'll leave him the very next day?... What if I never love again?
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Im Yoona/Shim Changmin
Series: of lyrics and song meanings [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821022
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	rosebud, you deserve the world

**Author's Note:**

> okay hi first: I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO THE SONG TO MAYBE HELP YOUR UNDERSTAND IDK LMAO IDHSJD anyways—  
> so for some reason, this fic took me 928283839283 years to write and yet i somehow didn't ditch it ?? like i have this bad habit of writing and then i go through this phase where i lose motivation it's horrible— anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this !! i'm trying something new and i know people have done song fics, but i want to make it a consistent thing cause i tend to write with inspiration from songs. :))
> 
> read the tags— also it's unbeta-ed 💀

  
  
  


_track ; 01_

_Adele - All I Ask_

  
  
  


A rather short male glares down at his hand as the wind hits his face with every passing breeze, cheeks flushed and eyes stained red along the edges. His fingers tremble just slightly as he reaches out to grip the edge of the balcony, knuckles burning white, seeking comfort and stability through the touch. The pain of it is incomparable, but the way his heart carries such a heavy burden strips him completely speechless and weak in the knees.

  


Nothing could ever compare to it. _Ever._

  


He’s felt heartbreak in the past, but not a single one has the ability to outnumber the hurt he withstands today, or rather— _has_ been _consistently_ holding in for days now. Perhaps, even weeks, or… _years._

  


Call him a warrior or some shit like that, but in the end, he just wants to become a little kid again; unbeknownst of the world and everyone around him. That way, the only harmful stinging that would surge through his veins would be the emotions he wouldn’t even know of— he prefers obliviousness over the life he’s currently trying to survive.

  


Growing older is frankly unnerving, because instead of having your parents by your side to point out your jammed hormones, you’re left to turn to your friends, or simply, suck it up like the big kid you’re supposed to be. To make it ten times worse, he’s a man as well, and society is _so_ generous to force him into the category of harboring zero feelings whatsoever. _Keep it in. Save it for later. Boys don’t cry._

  


_Fuck it._

  


Baekhyun peers up at the sky that has been painted black with various white speckled all over the place, glowing and twinkling in the midst of such harsh darkness. It’s a type of beauty that he can't even fathom. _Dangerous._ With every inch of his being, he hates the moon, the stars, and the entirety of the galaxy itself, jealous of how inanimate things are far more closer to his lover than he himself.

  


When the realization slowly dawns on him, it feels like water is being thrown at his face as the same exact question runs through his head over, and over again. _Who do I run to now?_

  


_“You need to talk to him about everything,”_ Kyungsoo tells him through the phone, and as soon as he hears it, he slumps his shoulders, knowing for a fact that it’s true. The words are then followed by the sounds of the doe-eyed boy huffing loudly, and then _that_ is followed by a sharp hiss of Jongin’s name. _“Quiet, I know damn well what I’m telling him— sorry, Baek, hon, I... I think that… maybe, tonight is the night.”_

  


The corners of the brunet’s lips quirk up just slightly at the knife of such veracity, fighting the urge to burst out in laughter, because _wow,_ this seems like such a joke. One _huge_ joke. It feels like his every move is being documented, recorded, made fun of, and he waits for the imaginary crowd to guffaw at his foolishness, telling himself he deserves it for being so stupid.

  


_Just give him the damn flowers already, for goodness sake._

  


If he received a heart for every single time his lover had told him that he deserved the _best things in the world,_ then maybe he wouldn’t be as heartless as he was right now. The man would always say the _best things in the world, meaning… with the swimmer completely out of the picture._ Every time Baekhyun hears that, it makes his heart clench, because if the other thinks that what he’s telling him right, he’s _fucking not._

  


Baekhyun _knows_ he deserves _him._ He doesn’t give a single damn about the universe, wealth, good health, luck— _nothing._ All he wants is Park Chanyeol, and that would be final. It would be enough.

  


More than enough.

  


_This is harder than he wants it to be._ Leaning against the barrier between him and the darkness of the city below, Baekhyun plays with his hands as he digs his teeth into his lower lip. He’d never jump, but call him crazy or deranged— if in some world out there, jumping would allow him to be with Chanyeol, then he would do it in half a heartbeat.

  


“Yes, I know it's time,” the petit whispers softly, looking up at the stars he _oh, so despises._ “I just… I’m really scared, Soo. It makes me— it… _I wish that I hadn’t met him in the first place.”_

  


It’s quite a miracle how Baekhyun’s voice isn’t as shaky as his hands are.

  


_“Don’t say that. You and I both know that he’s changed you for the better, and made some of those years truly memorable. Actually, I hope that you…”_

  


And this, despite being on a call with his best friend, it’s not difficult to feel so alone and helpless, left to only wish that the stars and moon would provide him the comfort _someone_ says they do. He wishes that he loved to watch them too.

  


But— he doesn't.

  


_At all._

  
  


———

  
  


Around some five years ago, Baekhyun was out and about for a brief coffee trip, craving nothing more than extra pumps of sugar, and a glob of whipped cream placed neatly on top of a cold drink. The workers greeted the young teen with ease, and the cashier, Taeyeon, immediately punched in his order after recognizing his familiar face.

  


The girl was nothing but like a sister to him, someone who— although was older— made him feel like he had the duty to protect her at all costs. The _quick_ coffee trip that day soon turned into one that lasted for hours upon hours, Baekhyun finding himself caught up in numerous conversations with the employees, the endless jokes and intriguing topics reeled in certain feelings within him.

  


He was addicted.

  


He felt righteously included, wanted, and absolutely loved the attention he got. He relished the way they laughed with him and not _at_ him, cracking up at the littlest things he’d blurt out, telling him he had a wonderful sense of humor. It made him question why it had taken so long to meet such lovely people who thought he was just as charming.

  


To Baekhyun, it was Heaven, and he was convinced that he’d found _his true friends._

  


He swung by almost every other day, and hung out with them outside of their work when he wasn’t busy studying. Sometimes, they’d bring their significant others along, and even Baekhyun would bring his own boyfriend with him at the time. It was like a huge family that kept growing and growing, each member cared for the other earnestly.

  


Then, one day, Taeyeon, who used to claim that she was rather uninterested in relationships, brought along a tall, muscled man with crazy broad shoulders, and an adorable dimple that pretty much killed everyone in the room when he smiled.

  


Baekhyun had broken out in a little sweat, because being in the presence of someone so impeccably… _handsome_ made him _horribly_ giddy.

  


_“You guys are practically my family,”_ she had said happily with a swing in her words, and they all nodded meekly with her, eyes not missing the way her hands were tightly intertwined with the hot stranger. A certain male in the room found himself on the tips of his toes, silently hoping that this was just her close cousin.

  


Why? _Pfft— no reason._

  


_“And so, I wanted to introduce you guys to my boyfriend.”_

  


_Well, damnit._

  


_“Chanyeol, these are ‘the’ favorite people. Guys, this is my favorite dork, Chanyeol— sorry, Baek.”_ Gasping in feigned hurt from being replaced, (Or from being indirectly called that), Baekhyun shot a boyish grin of his own in the giant’s direction.

  


Park Chanyeol.

  


The beginning of their chapter.

  


It wasn’t difficult at all to warm up to him, because while his demeanor seemed a little intimidating at first, he was actually extremely outgoing and quite the jokester himself. Sometimes, he’d keep as quiet as a mouse, but in moments when he wanted to, his loud, deep voice would carry so easily, and he’d even find it in himself to outscream Baekhyun. (Much to everyone’s annoyance and shock).

  


Attached at the hip, the pair were rather obsessed with each other in ways that made the people around them coo. _(At their unadulterated friendship, of course.)_ Baekhyun could pinpoint every little reason why Taeyeon loved Chanyeol just by hanging around him, and to be honest, he loved him too. _Just a bit._ The man was a great friend, truly, so much that it was worrying how much he knew about Baekhyun, as well as the other way around.

  


As life kept going the way as expected, after about a span of a week, the new addition to the group was a master at making Baekhyun laugh, smile, cry, scream, shout… _every little thing._

  


And most importantly, no matter where he was or what he was doing, Baekhyun grew to have overflowing confidence like no other; Chanyeol simply knew how to make him feel like he was always glowing, flipping on the switch that the older never knew he had.

  


While there’s already something about being surrounded by those whom you know care about you, there’s truly just... _something else_ about being beside someone who helps you see that you are one of the things that helps make the world so beautiful. Being emotionally connected to a person rather wonderful made Baekhyun so, _so_ happy.

  


_You two act more like a couple than him and I,_ Taeyeon had teased Baekhyun one day, finding it absolutely hilarious how glued to each other they were, wondering what type of super stick held them like that for so long. And seriously, they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

  


Everyone made fun of them actually, (All the time, every second, minute, you name it.), and it really wasn’t doing justice to the short male who needed all his willpower to convince himself that he was still _one hundred percent_ loyal to his current lover.

  


To say he was in a deep hole is an understatement.

  


Baekhyun was fucking drowning in the Mariana Trench, alright.

  


Chanyeol, much to his pure dissatisfaction, wasn’t around too often though, because he was a very dedicated swimmer with a schedule that made his own look quite preposterous. Somehow, though, the giant would find spaces of time for them. For Baekhyun.

  


As expected, the fantasy didn’t last forever though, the perfect picture and perfect _family,_ oh no.

  


On Baekhyun’s eighteenth birthday, he walked in on his actual boyfriend locking lips with no other than—

  


_“Taeyeon?”_ The pair jerked apart in both shock and hurry to make it seem like they weren’t doing anything, but the brunet had seen every part; the dancing of tongues, lust-filled gazes, and frantic hands. It was a rather futile attempt, really, to hide bruised lips that were wet with saliva and stained (horrendously) with cherry lipstick stains, tight grips on hips and… _other things._ And so, Baekhyun lost all senses that night, setting himself loose, allowing his voice to raise in piercing yells that left him sore with the reminder of what had happened.

  


His heart didn’t feel like crap when he broke up with his ex, nor did he cry and ask why he cheated. The brunet didn’t beg to have him back, but instead, was quite… _thankful to get rid of him?_ Alternatively, he’d merely freaked out at the thought of everything changing before his eyes. All too soon, and with no permission whatsoever. Now _that_ scared the living crap out of him. He wanted to take his life and stay-put with it, desiring to be like that forever. The sharp twists and sudden turns were what left him undoubtedly terrified, because _what— he could’ve sworn that everything was fine just a few weeks ago._

  


Tired and weary as fatigue ate away at him from all the emotions being spilt, he set out to find Chanyeol, only to find him just outside and gazing up at the stars.

  


They reflected in his eyes beautifully, making it seem like he was the Prince of the Night Sky.

  


_“Yeol, what are you doing out here?”_ the other simply grinned up at him cheekily without a word, grabbing his arm as he tugged him to lie down next to him. Baekhyun opened his mouth to make a comment, but got shushed almost immediately.

  


Byun Baekhyun doesn’t do silence at all, which is rather odd to see how willing he is to do so with Chanyeol.

  


They laid in simple quiet with a rather small amount of space in between them. Out of the pair, one of their hearts was beating so fast that it felt like it'd burst at any moment. Words he was dying to say danced tauntingly on the tip of his tongue, but he held them back, and instead asked Chanyeol if he loved watching the stars. The swimmer nodded, but was looking at _him_ and nowhere else, eyes soft with an unfamiliar emotion.

  


Foreign, yet warm.

  


A new sensation. _“Yes, I love him so much.”_

  
  


———

  
  


If you had told young Byun Baekhyun that he’d date Park Chanyeol a year after, he’d probably laugh in your face and ask what planet have you been living on. They didn’t get together exactly after the soft confession of love, but instead, pretty much avoided each other after that. Like foolish kids, they said _hell_ to all their problems and tried to carry on as such, too excited to _not_ deal with _bullshit. (Baekhyun’s words)._

  


The brunet was wholeheartedly afraid of getting himself involved in something with his _best-friend-but-not-really-anymore,_ and moreover, wasn’t thrilled entirely about dating someone so very soon. He was a new baby in the world of something called _love,_ having dumped the fool of his old boyfriend who suffocated him with false affection and kisses.

  


_(What a dick.)_

  


But eventually, after space and time was given graciously, the pair were _oh,_ so helplessly in love.

  


And perhaps, Baekhyun should have noticed the various signs that continued to keep surfacing back when Taeyeon had dated Chanyeol. Maybe he should have considered thinking about why she was rather unhappy in the first place, and the reasons why she bothered to go as far as cheat. The facts were all there, but no one seemed to notice.

  


However, if Baekhyun had just taken a quick moment to do so, then he probably would not have gotten himself into this situation; too far in to do anything about it now.

  


He would have saved himself.

  
  


———

  
  


_“Open your door.”_

  


“—Chanyeol just makes— _wait, what?”_ Baekhyun jerks back from his phone abruptly, the unexpected murmur making him whip his head around to search with his eyes behind him. “Um… _why?_ A-are you here?” he receives nothing in response, so he begins to scratch his nape, chuckling lightly with furrowed eyebrows.

  


“Soo, did you seriously come all the way here—?”

  


_“Byun Baekhyun, just open the fucking door.”_ Gaping at the tone used on him, the man shakes his head and says he’s going to. Before he does, however, Baekhyun tells him that he shouldn’t have bothered to come at all. Kyungsoo doesn’t provide anything in response again, nor does he acknowledge it, and so the other sighs and trudges to the door with hesitant movements.

  


“Okay, _whatever,”_ he murmurs, rolling his eyes as he swings it open. Instead of being greeted with his best friend, something awfully heavy falls back on his leg and lets out a loud curse, sending Baekhyun shrieking in pure horror. He doesn’t waste a single second, sprinting inside the safety of his home. Pressed up against a wall and clutching his heart, the exact moment that that _something_ walks in is when he realizes—

  


_“I'm sorry, I love you,”_ Kyungsoo whispers before hanging up.

  
  


———

  
  


Chanyeol.

  


Aboard a plane to go visit the States, Chanyeol left for the purposes of important swim meets. In the process, however, he met a coach whose eyes sparkled at his overwhelming speed, technique, and work-ethic overall. It turned out that the said coach works for a well-known prestigious university, and was highly impressed, not hesitating to request for him to stay extra long so they could chat.

  


Needless to say, it has definitely been a little over a week.

  


As promised and reassured prior, Chanyeol was supposed to be back after about three days.

  


During his time overseas, he seemed to have forgotten that he has a boyfriend back home, one that secretly craves his attention and loves him very much. Honestly, it isn’t the first time this has happened as well. It’s more than unfortunate, really, how he doesn’t seem to notice sometimes. Balancing his passion and… _god, he sounds like a jerk._

  


It’s not that he wishes for Baekhyun to be more understanding, _no—_ his support is clear as day, and he loves showing up to whatever competition and meet he can manage to. _All for Chanyeol._ He even wanted to tag along with him to the States, but he knew studying is a priority, and that he has a job that he can’t afford to lose.

  


In summary, the puppy of a guy is the boyfriend that Chanyeol can’t possibly believe he has, and even to this day he still struggles with comprehension.

  


Baekhyun is also the lover that he knows damn well that he doesn’t deserve at all.

  


If he were to be completely honest with himself and others, then— Byun Baekhyun is so much more than what he could have ever asked for. The male is like a fucking prince, for goodness sake, and yet Chanyeol treats him like everyone else, if not even worse. And he’s aware of it. The truth is, the brunet is the one who merits much more than what he could provide; a boyfriend who will actually send him the attention, love, and… _just be the guy Chanyeol once was back when they were young._

  


Be the guy who confessed his love in the lovely light of the moon, the boy who made sure to prove his love to him almost everyday, the man who grew up with the _love of his life—_

  


_Why don’t they just split then to make things easier?_

  


_God,_ the giant has, indeed, tried to end it with the other many times, telling him that he can’t give him what he needs. It’s not that he doesn’t love him, because he does with all his heart, but he wants the male to be happy. If being with Chanyeol doesn’t make him as bright as he should, then he needs to leave before he takes the wounds to the soul even more. Baekhyun would always shake his head when told this, insisting that he treats him just right.

  


_I couldn’t have asked for anything else,_ he would say.

  


Ha. Bullshit.

  


It’s no secret that Park Chanyeol is dating his sport, and Baekhyun has gradually, yet surely, turned into someone who is often starring in this drama of their life as simple moral support. The supporting character who is just rendered as nothing but his _roommate._

  


Like a tree that tries to provide him endless shade, but alas, will never be in charge of that for as long as he had once wished. And… after a period of time, the beauty loses its desires, cold swallowing it whole and hiding it away for as long as it will be remembered.

  


_Forever?_

  


Maybe not forever, but somehow, it will _always_ love, and even if the lovely thing gets torn down or set aflame by those around it.

  


_It will always love._

  
  


———

  
  


Staring at him from across the room does nothing but make everything worse. He thought that it would at least give him _some_ confidence for _some_ odd reason, but it just leaves his heart squeezing inside of his chest, forcing him speechless as millions of emotions fight inside of him. Baekhyun opens his mouth to blurt something to help put an end to the suffocating silence between them, but soon closes it reluctantly, finding it hard to stand there in his presence. It’s all too much for him anymore.

  


He can’t breathe.

  


Chanyeol, the caramel-haired-giant whose hair has gotten lighter from the _great_ bleaching of chlorine, with eyes bigger and prettier than ever, stands in his muscled glory just before the front door. He looks the exact same as how he did when he’d left, if not even _more_ of a heartthrob. A dark purple backpack is swung across his back, and a blue suitcase is tailed behind him. He's clad in a _Harvard_ school sweatshirt and gray sweatpants— _to which Baekhyun immediately recognizes as the ones he got him last Christmas—_ with simple flip-flops to finish it off.

  


Baekhyun wants to tear his gaze away to save himself, knowing very well that he should, but staring so openly at the only man in the entire world who makes his heart feel the way it does— it’s nearly impossible to pull away. Especially since he hasn’t seen him since… _forever._

  


They stay like that until it burns slightly, eyes locked and transmitting their endless feelings and unexplainable thoughts, silence teetering between being too suffocating and simply too quiet. It’s not that they don’t know what to say, they just don’t feel the need to say _anything._ Finally, Baekhyun turns around and walks off to their bedroom without a single noise, fingers burning with the urge to touch his lover.

  


He’s there, right behind him, but he seems so far away.

  


Baekhyun leaves the door slightly open behind him.

  


An invitation; will Chanyeol take it?

  
  


———

  
  


_some time ago._

  
  


_If you were to put it simply, then… it was a normal occurrence for Chanyeol to abruptly cancel dinner dates, or simply, dates of any kind. To make things sound worse than they really are, Baekhyun grew rather accustomed to being stood-up by his own boyfriend, although some lingering part inside of him would still venture to those locations that would be sent, hoping deep down that just maybe they’d actually spend time together._

  


_Half of those times, the petit was unerring, finding himself face-to-face with the man who stole his heart and never gave it back, hand enclosed on the stem of a blood-red rose. The other times, though, Baekhyun would arrive with empty hands and an empty vase, only to leave with an even emptier heart._

  


_They’ve been dating for almost two years now. How Baekhyun survived this long is the real question, because it wouldn’t take a genius to see that what is going on between them is completely unhealthy. (Seriously, it wouldn’t). His excuse is that when they do spend time together, it’s almost as if time has never passed. They were always, and will always be the same, as weird as it sounds._

  


_But it was true. That was their specialty. Being able to connect no matter what._

  


_To pretend._

  


_“Let me guess, another date? Spoiled?” The voice by his ear compels him to jump in surprise, and Baekhyun jerks up and out of his seat to see his dear friend, Changmin frowning down at him. Flushing at the obvious fact being pointed out, it feels like a harsh jab to the gut, because he would’ve preferred it not being brought up at all. He would’ve told himself a soft ‘next time’, and would leave without another word._

  


_That way, the blow would be less violent. Walking on the eggshells of reality is better than plummeting head-first into the burden of truth. Reality likes to swallow and ensure that you’re hurt afterwards, left with unforgiving slashes of blood that seeps down your face, turning into permanent scars as warnings. You pay the price for avoiding honesty that’s bound to be found and dug up._

  


_Baekhyun knows he’s been caught as he plays with his hands as he shrugs his shoulders, acting like this is precisely nothing. “It’s okay, I don’t mind, really. He’s been feeling pressed lately because of that one jerk on the team, so I’m sure he forgot, or something— he’s most likely doing laps in the pool to calm—” Changmin doesn’t even blink as he seizes him by the shoulders roughly, making him yelp mid-sentence._

  


_The other shoots him an accusing look as he squirms uncomfortably in his hold. “C-Changmin, what—?”_

  


_“Byun Baekhyun,” the taller spits out, squeezing hard enough to the point where Baekhyun bites down on his lower lip as an attempt to even-out the pain. However, he still has the nerve to smile crookedly._

  


_“That’s my name.”_

Changmin shakes him like that, dismissing the joke with unreadable eyes piercing down at his wide ones. “I swear, I really don’t understand you.”

  


_“Um… what’s wrong—?”_

  


_“Fuck, everything is wrong!” he releases the shorter suddenly as if it stings, looking away as he cards a hand through his silver locks. “I can’t believe you’re allowing this guy to treat you like absolute shit. He’s such a prick.” Frowning, Baekhyun opens his mouth to argue, but he simply isn’t given the chance to even try._

  


_“You’re like a brother to me, Baek. You deserve so much more than what you’re being given, and you and I both know that.” Changmin sighs, tugging at the necklace around his neck as he continues. “I don't… I don't know how else to put it— this is happening right before my eyes, and you have no idea how much it bothers me, knowing that I can’t do shit to help you.” He rushes to speak the last part in order to have everything heard, frown deepening when his attempts to make eye-contact fail miserably._

  


_Changmin is well aware that he’s overstepping boundaries by bringing this up, but— while some things are better left unsaid, others have no chance other than to be voiced._

  


_Choosing to look anywhere else but at him directly, Baekhyun shields away his face like he's done this many times before, eyes glued completely to the floor. He's trembling, and although it may be very subtle and easy to miss, it still makes him look so small and terribly helpless when he catches him. The older reaches out exasperatedly and tries to bring him close, only to be stopped by a feminine-looking hand being shoved roughly into his chest._

  


_Pursing his lips yet not surprised, Changmin waits for him quietly, tugging at his necklace. After a couple beats of silence, this time Baekhyun is the one to reach out, clasping his hand in his reassuringly. “It really is alright,” he says slowly, squeezing it. “I’m being one hundred percent honest. Yes, our relationship may be on the rocks as of right now, and I thoroughly appreciate your concern towards me… but— we have to remember that this is what I signed up for.”_

  


_He looks up at him then, lips stretching out into a thin smile. “Min, I’m dating an athlete who takes his passion very seriously, and I’m not going to be somehow who stops him from doing what he loves. Instead, I’m going to care for him until my time is up. I know I sound like such a dumbass to you, don’t I?” Baekhyun squeezes harder._

  


_“That may be the case, but now… right now, I think I need to be hopeful. It doesn’t matter what I'm being hopeful for, really. Just as long as I’m looking beyond what's to come, I think… I’ll be happy that way.”_

  


_Changmin shakes his head in disbelief at the awfully ambiguous words, but from the way Baekhyun's eyes crinkle up at him adorably, he knows it’s his loss. “Besides,” the younger whispers soon after, voice soft and delicate, matching his physique. “It may not seem like it, but Chanyeol definitely isn’t hurting me intentionally. I can confidently tell you that. He’s tried to leave me in the past because he knows he’s hurting me, but I wouldn’t let him go. He’s a good man, okay?” the brunet raises his eyebrows at him, effectively showing his sincerity. “I promise.”_

  


_When the silver-haired does nothing but scoff in response and mutter a low, “Okay, but if he tries anything funny, I’ll fucking kill him with my own two hands,” Baekhyun giggles, rolling his eyes._

  


_“I’m your groomsman, you dummy,” he grumbles, pouting slightly to lighten up the mood. “Wouldn’t want my plus-one to be nothing but shreds, right? Min, I have a reputation to live up to, and I know for sure that the bride wouldn’t approve. Yoona somehow thinks Chanyeol’s jokes are funny.” They laugh together then, the old friends they are. The air around them is much brighter, but everything is still left unspoken and seemingly unclear._

  


_Forcing himself to hold it in as he walks Baekhyun to Kyungsoo's restaurant, Changmin can’t help but frown once the shorter turns around and skips out of his view. It’s moments like these where he can’t decide if he feels remorse towards him, or if he simply admires his mindset._

  


_Although, it doesn’t matter how hard he tries to hide it, said shorter is absolutely ridiculous when it comes to hiding his emotions— especially when he thinks that his red-stained eyes aren’t noticeable at all. It’s almost like trying to hide your pregnancy when you’re already in the third trimester. Exactly. No. Fucking. Point. If anything, you’re not only clowning everyone around you, but more like just yourself at that point._

  


_As he watches Baekhyun disappear into the building, Changmin can’t help but roll his eyes as he kicks a nearby rock into the air. “What an idiot.” He can’t believe he’s allowing such an angel to go through... shit._

  


_There’s no other word for this mess that Park Chanyeol has put him through._

  
  


———

  
  


Chanyeol takes the soundless request of a follow.

  


The very second that he squeezes through the door, he flinches, already anticipating Baekhyun to be on the other side with harsh eyes glaring daggers at him and balled fists. He’s about ready to be screamed at, knowing that maybe— this truly will be the last of them. _No more running._ Holding his breath, he realizes that he got prepared for truly nothing, mouth falling open slightly when he spots his little lover doing nothing but gazing out of the glass door that leads to their balcony.

  


Steps so careful that his feet barely meet the floor, Chanyeol enters the room even further. He can’t help but feel uncomfortably out of place when Baekhyun whips his head around to look at him, eyes widened with— is that… _shock?_

  


_Surprised that he actually—_

  


“Baekhyun, I…” his tone is peculiar to his own ears, odd and rather shaky, the need to say _something, anything_ for himself kills him, but the look he receives in return sends his eyes darting somewhere else. Like he’s been kicked, _oh,_ it aches, leaving him feeling sick to the stomach. _Actions speak louder than words—_ Chanyeol literally feels the exact moment his heart drops, intense emotions washing over him in a crash of waves, reminding him of how much he’s truly done wrong.

  


It’s horrifying, identifying such a scary thing so easily. He feels like a monster of some sort, one that he never knew he would, and _could_ ever become. All his life, Park Chanyeol has been disgusted by those who couldn’t be good to their lovers. _How hard could it be?_ He’d often ask himself. _How hard is it to ensure your love for your partner?_

  


And yet, here he is, being the person hates. He's become the undeserving one, pushing away the one he loves most who deserves more.

  


Clenching his fists as the other merely blinks like a deer in headlights towards him, Chanyeol’s lips stretch into a thin line at the sight of his _favorite face_ turned into something that’s become alarmingly unreadable and blanker than any empty canvas. _And he’s caused that._ The giant’s not angered, not at all, but every single inch of him yearns to hold that particular man close enough to his heart so he could hear how much it’s breaking inside.

  


_Softly, slowly, it kills him one by one._

  


Perhaps, in the past, Chanyeol could do that so effortlessly, a touch so simple with endless meanings would be welcomed. However, now, he’s sure receiving such an invitation is unimaginable, and instead of waiting for it, he chooses to deny himself of it.

  


It’s devastating, really, how the young male is unable to do things he used to do everyday, and instead is forced to watch helplessly as Baekhyun slowly turns back around, staring up at the stars and acting as if the other hadn’t entered in the first place. As if they hadn’t just made eye contact. As if he hadn’t come home.

  


Like a stranger, rendered speechless and incapable of saying anything else in this situation without looking foolish, Chanyeol makes a brave decision. Shuffling his feet, he quietly, yet quickly, sits down beside him. It’s a miracle that Baekhyun doesn’t scoot away in disgust or anger, but deep down, the swimmer wishes he did. He deserves the shitty treatment.

  


And so, together, they sit on the loveseat, watching the sky before them with nothing to say but exchange mute tones of pure silence. On _their_ loveseat.

  


_Light gray, soft to touch— they had argued terribly over the color for days, but only because Baekhyun wanted white, and Chanyeol wanted brown._

  
  


———

  
  


_years ago._

  
  


_“And why the fuck do you think I’m actually going to buy this for you?”_

  


_The shorter gapes at him in complete disbelief and pure betrayal, jaw dropping as he takes a step back. “Excuse me? What are you talking about?” Chanyeol sighs, gesturing towards the computer as if he were talking to a child._

  


_“No way am I buying something that you can get dirty easily,” he explains in a calm tone, irritation not-so-subtly laced in it as he shakes his head. “Sorry. You can beg all you want, but it’s not happening, baby.” raising his eyebrows suggestively, Chanyeol smirks. “Begging only works in bed.”_

  


_Flushing a slight pink at the unnecessary comment, Baekhyun quickly recovers with an exasperated huff, placing his hands on his curvy hips. He narrows his eyes into thin slits, clenching his teeth._

  


_“Don’t ‘baby,’ me, Park Chanyeol. What makes you think that purchasing a shit-colored loveseat would be better?”_

  


_“You did not just call—”_

  


_“Yes, I fucking did!” Exasperated, Baekhyun turns around and flops onto his couch with a noise of frustration, flailing around and complaining about how impossible his boyfriend is, claiming he hates it so much._

  


_“Me? Impossible?” said boyfriend has the nerve to ‘try’ and contain a loud cackle, holding up his hand to his mouth with a smug expression blooming across his face. “You’re just stubborn.” Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow as he rolls his eyes, refusing to look at the cocky swimmer._

  


_“Whatever. If you want that shit so bad, then fuck— go ahead and buy it. I don’t care.” Accentuating his point, the shorter purses his lips and decides to get comfortable where he is, lying on his stomach. The sound of a door slamming somewhere behind him makes him flinch, but nonetheless, he digs his face into the couch. And so, like that, when Baekhyun confirms he’s alone in the silent room, he screeches and kicks, throwing a mini-muffled tantrum over his lover, of whom he despises so much._

  


_“Ugfh, em gohing to khill thath son of a bith,” he seethes, voice muffled as he gets a nose-full of the mix of the strawberry-cotton scent of his couch. Baekhyun yells the last part, uncaring of how loud he is, because the ‘son of a bitch’ isn’t even present to hear anything. “Ahnd yet I stihl lofe him!”_

  


_The sounds of shuffling doesn’t register with him, and so, when a large figure flops down on him, effectively squishing him onto the cushions, Baekhyun shrieks. Shooting up to look over his shoulder, the older immediately glowers at the sight. “Damnit, I thought you left,” he whines. “Get out, I still need time alone.” He twists his body to push him away with another irritated comment, but it soon gets drowned out in his uncontrollable giggles when Chanyeol begins to tickle his sides._

  


_“What, time alone? To call me more insults?” he digs his fingers into Baekhyun’s neck, dodging another spasmed-kick. He pouts. “You called me a son of a bitch, babe.”_

  


_“Th-that’s because… y-you are… one!” He struggles to speak in between the series of laughter, each one tumbling out of his mouth as he squirms and kicks around in weak attempts to escape from the ‘assault.’ Just when he thinks he’ll die like that, Chanyeol suddenly stops his ministrations, and embraces him. Softly, he presses his lips against Baekhyun’s juglar, whispering an intimate confession of three words as the other immediately goes red at the change of plans._

  


_Unsure of how to act when the final ‘weapon’ is used on him, Baekhyun panics inwardly, knowing he’s finished as he attempts to roll away while muttering something about not being able to breathe. Before he can thoroughly escape, though, the giant grabs his arm swiftly and pulls him back so that they are lying face-to-face._

  


_“I’m sorry, baby— wait, no, no use of baby to try and win forgiveness,” Chanyeol corrects himself, cradling the smaller close with an intense frown. “I’m sorry for insulting you like that; I know how much you really like picking out certain designs, and I know that the brown— uh, I mean— shit-colored loveseat won’t really match this… theme, or what— your… um, aesthetic that you’ve got going on for our new place. Anyways, I didn’t mean what I said—”_

  


_Baekhyun shakes his head frantically, cutting off the useless rambling as he stares deep into his eyes. “No, Yeol, I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m acting so immature, and this is not just going to be my apartment, it’s going to be yours too. I’ve already chosen the majority of our furniture, and yet I'm still making such a scene over…” he chuckles, and Chanyeol quirks an eyebrow at him in question, but silently enjoys the wonderful sight of his favorite smile._

  


_“... Yeol, this is like… what? The fifth time we fought over the stupid loveseat?”_

  


_However, instead of laughing along, Chanyeol just hums and tugs him impossibly closer, nuzzling his face into his neck. Baekhyun falls silent at the sweet action, shutting his eyes as he wraps his arms around his shoulders, drawing meaningless patterns across them. (To the taller, they always mean ‘something,’ and he secretly loves it when Baekhyun does this)._

  


_Finally, the shorter speaks, tone hushed and hesitant. “I love you, I really do, but maybe could we… not do the sh— I mean, brown?” Chanyeol looks up then, face showing his utter unamusement to the suggestion. Quickly, Baekhyun continues before he can misunderstand and say something that would start up another quarrel. “And no, we won’t do white either. How about— have you ever considered gray? Well, I think it fits the room theme better in that sense as well.”_

  


_Of course, Chanyeol rolls his eyes at the mere mention of a ‘theme,’ because while it’s the other’s main priority, the younger barely has an ounce of care in that area. But nonetheless, they agreed on it; a nice compromise._

  


_The moment it arrived, they celebrated its arrival with their questionably dirty activities when Baekhyun claimed that it was missing its… ‘touch.’_

  


_Now, there is a small, yet permanent stain on the back of one cushion, a stain that they couldn’t remove no matter how hard they tried and scrubbed. Or mostly, Baekhyun tried. Chanyeol, on the other hand, despite being notorious for being able to get rid of even the most stubborn stains, couldn’t get rid of this one._

  


_At least, that was what Baekhyun thought._

  


_He just didn’t notice how Chanyeol would make lame excuses to not remove it entirely. It was almost like he was proud of that very mark, in which he was, because he’d made his boyfriend ejaculate just by—_

  
  


———

  
  


The man wants to laugh at the irony.

  


Sitting so close to Baekhyun makes him gradually understand and take notice that it’s been quite a while since they've done something like this. Slightly deflated at the realization, Chanyeol's sure that the latter has noticed this a longtime ago. It causes him to feel many different things all at once, sending him down Memory Lane. It's nothing but nauseating.

  


Finally, after what seems like many beats of aching silence, the shorter speaks, voice soft, and very— _sweet._ “Well… how’ve you been?” He’s so cheerful that it's concerning, a mini plot-twist of its own.

  


Chanyeol seems to think this as he turns his whole body to look at him, mouth agape and eyebrows furrowed. “I-I… _what?_ You…” Baekhyun only chuckles at his confusion, glancing at him briefly, but all too soon turns his attention back to the breathtaking night above. Colors that people may deem _depressing,_ the stars truly make it brighter. Somehow, with their unmistakable power, they make the whole world so beautiful whenever the moon rises and the sun disappears; it makes Baekhyun want to keep his eyes there forever.

  


However, the stars could, not for a single moment, provide him with needed comfort.

  


As much as he wishes for it, they never could. The way they remind him of endless memories don’t sit well with him, and the thought of… perhaps, _true love_ looking at the same sky makes him queasy. _Is Chanyeol that person, or is there someone else out there waiting for him?_

  


Baekhyun sighs, digging the nail of his index finger into the pad of his thumb.

  


“I asked you how you’ve been— _how are you, Yeol?”_ The use of the certain nickname makes Chanyeol gulp, but only because he wasn’t expecting that to tumble out of his mouth so soon. The younger curses his heart for the way it pounds so impotently at the simple thing, wondering if this is really how they’re going to go about tonight.

  


He shrugs reluctantly, fidgeting slightly. “I’m surviving.” Chanyeol's eyes find his figure again, only to cry out inwardly when Baekhyun finally meets his gaze.

  


His boyfriend smiles, teeth shining slightly in the moonlight. “That's great to hear. No dying too early, okay?” _Pang._ “You’re not allowed to yet.”

  


It does absolutely _fucking_ nothing but make the caramel-haired want to scream in infuriation. The amount of desire bubbling up inside of him that wants to yell is unexplainable, sudden urges and impulses to rip every single strand of hair out of his scalp, growing. He so _badly_ wants to give up and grab the other’s face in between his large hands, demanding him to just dump him already— _go find the happiness you need already. He can’t help you._

  


The other half of him, though, itches to weep right then and there, to allow every tear he’s kept in, gush out and down his cheeks. He yearns to lay like a baby until someone comforts him, to kick and to feel self-pity for himself, and tell Baekhyun how much _he loves him…_

  


It’ll never work, and he knows that bit very damn well. Chanyeol is aware that no matter what, the jarring reality expects him to release the brunet’s hand and let him fly. No matter the case, even if he is on his knees and begging for forgiveness, the cycle will only repeat itself.

  


“There are so many things I want to say to you right now,” Baekhyun confesses gently, reaching down to meaninglessly pick at his plaid pajama pants. And _wow,_ the taller can’t even believe himself as he searches for something in his lover’s distant eyes. Whether that be love itself, reassurance, or simply, the strong emotion of pure hatred, Chanyeol still tries to find it.

  


He’s desperate for a sign of some sort, unsure of what he needs right now. The suffocation that chokes him when all he finds is… nothing, but everything at the same time, makes him lurch forward as he holds his face in his hands.

  


_Oh, he doesn’t think he’ll last. Chanyeol _knows_ he won’t last._

_  
_

The shorter reaches out to touch him, but stops himself. He tucks an imaginary piece of hair behind his ear instead. “... so many things are on my mind, but I can’t find myself saying what exactly they might be. Part of me wants to slap you, but that’s abuse—” Baekhyun laughs lightly. “—and I’m not that type of person. I also don’t want to be known as your crazy _ex-that-hit-you_ or some shit like that, no matter how much you… _might deserve it…?_

  


He says the last part rather fast, waiting for Chanyeol to laugh too, or at least murmur something endearing to help assist the suffocating atmosphere surrounding them. Instead, however, the other is yet again at another loss of words, flabbergasted and struggling to even make a noise.

  


All this time, his heart was splitting, falling one-by-one, ready to shatter at any given point, and yet a mere slip of words so _simple_ destroyed it completely. Their relationship is nothing but ill-fated, of course, but the remaining faith he had has shriveled up to be left behind like everything else.

  


Chanyeol is aware of what’s to come, _hell,_ he’s known this was bound to come no matter what. He’s tried to start it himself in the past, but now, it’s different. It’s real. It’s happening, and this time, Baekhyun is making the decision.

  


And yet, _still,_ the swimmer was hopeful for the impossible. Despite everything, he opens his mouth, tone dripping with desperation and pure unclarity.

  


_“... my e-ex?”_

  
  


———

  
  


_some time ago._

  
  


_“You are seriously the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life.”_

  


_Blushing at the abrupt comment, Baekhyun jumps in surprise, but nonetheless darts his eyes away as he purses his lips. He knows that voice. “Yeol, you’re not supposed to be in here—!” the other merely chuckles, reaching out to pull him close to his chest. Snaking his arms around his waist, Chanyeol presses his lips against the top of his head, meeting his gaze in the mirror with a sloppy grin._

  


_“I’m telling the truth,” he insists, and Baekhyun swears that the look he sends his way makes him lose feeling in the knees. “I mean it. It’s concerning, baby—” Chanyeol leans in to whisper the rest in his ear. “—it makes me wish we were the ones getting married today.”_

  


_Giggling at the compliment, the shorter tilts his head to peck his plump lips, caressing his cheek lightly. “I’d get married to you anyday— mmph—” unsatisfied with the short kiss, and those very words making him crazy, Chanyeol turns him around completely, pressing Baekhyun’s back against the mirror as he connects their lips with a rush of unexpected fervor._

  


_It's moments like these where Baekhyun finds himself feeling spoiled by such treatment, although he can’t help but bask in the sweet attention. He kisses back just as strongly, accepting, and of course, slightly careful. The taller keeps him at a short distance as he licks his bottom lip, grinning slightly when Baekhyun immediately opens up for him. He curses inwardly when the brunet moans softly, an animalistic urge welling up inside of him as he snakes his hands down to cup his ass._

  


_“Well, then,” the sudden voice makes the two jerk apart, resulting in Baekhyun flushing a deep red when he spots Minho, a fellow groomsman, leaning against the doorway. The newcomer rolls his eyes with a rather noisy snort, placing his hands on his hips at the sight before him. “Park Chanyeol, what the hell are you doing, fooling around back here? This is the groomsmen room.” Chanyeol whistles with a playful shrug, squeezing his lover’s hand and kissing his lips one more time, only to murmur something about forgetting his things as he books it out of there._

  


_When they’re left alone, Minho peers over at Baekhyun with raised eyebrows, fighting himself from bursting out into fits of boisterous laughter. “Damn, you guys are acting like you’re the ones consuming marriage tonight.” he turns on his heel, drawling out over his shoulder, “Let’s keep it in the pants until the end of the wedding, alright?”_

  


_Red-faced and knees wobbling, the other nods timidly and hides his face with his hands._

  
  


———

  
  


Together, they laugh like old friends, lovers, two people, and everything in between— Baekhyun leans forward, holding onto his knees as fits of joy tumble from the confines of his lips. Chanyeol, too, is just the same, although much wilder and is clapping his hands together. But of course, he sneaks in two hits on the shorter’s backside, unable to express the overwhelming emotion otherwise, resulting in nothing but… _abuse._

  


Calming down after a bit, almost automatically, Baekhyun reaches out and flicks the other’s forehead. “No hitting, Yeol, _damnit,_ you were doing so well. But— I still can’t believe we did shit like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of us was into voyeurism.”

  


Chanyeol clutches his face, not registering the last part of his sentence, whining childishly about how Baekhyun’s flicks really do hurt, in which the shorter responds by sticking out his tongue. _It’s only half as hurtful as your laughter-hitting, you ass._

  


Just moments before when he experienced the giant’s anxiety-filled reaction to Baekhyun calling himself his _ex-lover,_ he had sighed and turned around to face him fully. The latter expected at least an explanation of some sort, and prepared himself for the incoming confirmation that _yes,_ Byun Baekhyun was breaking up with him, because he deserves so much more, and that’s that. _Goodbye, hope. Good riddance, love life._

  


However, the shorter did anything but. Instead, he did what Chanyeol least expected. With a small upturn of his rosebud lips in a tone that dripped with honey so effortlessly, the smaller asked, _“Yeollie, remember that time we…?”_

  


_Ah, time. The rude thing between them._

  


“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun calls out with furrowed eyebrows, looking deep into his eyes, and that’s when the taller realizes how close Baekhyun is sitting to him; thighs practically over his own.

  


“... Pardon?”

  


Rolling his eyes, the older drops his gaze to their feet with a small grin, fiddling with his hands as he caves in on himself like a turtle in its shell. “I just asked you a question.” Chanyeol opens his mouth, only to close it before opening it yet again. Feeling himself sweat as the room suddenly grows much more hot than before, he scratches his nape.

  


“Uh…” he thinks back to what they had been talking about, snapping his fingers when he remembers. “... Oh, right, I do remember pulling risqué things in public with you—” Chuckling, although sounding a dash more bitter than playful, Baekhyun pouts and lightly pushes at his lover's shoulder, looking away.

  


“No, you dumbo,” he hums, kicking his feet into the air, still refusing to let their gazes meet despite the other’s subtle attempts to make it happen. “I asked you if we could let go tonight.”

  


Chanyeol blinks.

  


“You want to have sex?”

  


Immediately flushing, Baekhyun screams inwardly, but nonetheless shakes his head frantically. Finally, he raises his eyes to meet Chanyeol’s, unable to stop himself from flinching when he looks into one of the things that made him fall in love with this man in the first place. “No, well… I— _Yeol, what if we— what if—”_ he struggles to speak as he holds his gaze, finding the request even more challenging to say the second time. Baekhyun curses himself, because the words dance on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t open his mouth and voice them.

  


Afraid of the reaction he’ll receive, the brunet looks down at his feet and murmurs a low _Forget it._

  


The other unknowingly watches him intently, saying nothing as his rather large hand snakes down to intertwine his fingers with the smaller’s.

  


Of course, Baekhyun jerks slightly in surprise, but forces himself to sit still with the warm, comforting touch being transmitted from his lover. Slumping his shoulders in defeat, he will admit that it calms him down, clearing his thoughts just slightly. As the final cloud moves away, he opens his mouth.

  


“W-what if we ignored everything for a day, and pretended like everything was normal?” he digs his teeth into his bottom lip. “What if we… promised to be in love just once more, for a day— _tonight,_ I mean. Just tonight. Nothing else, it’s… all I ask.”

  


Chanyeol doesn’t respond right away to the sudden request, and instead gazes at him with wide eyes like the moon, getting ready to untangle their fingers. Baekhyun, however, stops him by squeezing his hand, and from here, the taller can see everything.

  


“Yeollie, please, just tonight.” his eyes are wide and pleading. “You only have to deal with me for a couple more hours, and then… we can face everything then and talk. But now, can we please set it aside?”

  


He can both _see_ and _feel_ the desperation in his grasp, the emotion swirling in his eyes, (Despite their lack of eye contact), the growing redness in them, the slight tremble of his whole body, and the certain tone he uses. The familiarity of it is both exhilarating and terrifying— Byun Baekhyun is giving Chanyeol his heart again; stripped out of his chest and completely vulnerable, ready to be acknowledged. Held. And loved.

  


“If this is my last night with you, _please._ I— it’s a lot to ask, but all I ask is that we love once more… carefree...” he turns to look at him, eyes wet and pleading. “... like how we were when we first met. Let’s be in love, Chanyeol. For the very last time in our lives together.”

  


Loving is no problem, the taller does it everyday and will do it effortlessly while he can.

  


Except, this time, Chanyeol is being asked to squeeze everything in in one night. After this, no more sweet confessions and loving, no _nothing, no anything._ Their chapter will be closed, finished and undisturbed, signed and published for those willing to listen. Before the final bow, they will take the entirety of one more night to quickly sum up their love, hold each other like they’re more than what friends could ever be— every _damn_ ounce of everything that their hearts have ever felt in the years they’ve been together.

  


Every _goddamn_ feeling they’ve had will be poured out on the table, glasses raised as they give _Cheers_ to their relationship, finally allowing the baby to rest.

  


Tonight is the night.

  


Baekhyun looks at him, gaze hopeful and full of questions. Chanyeol just looks down at his feet.

  
  


———

  
  


_changmin and yoona’s wedding._

  
  


_Downing his nth glass of the night, the tall man in a suit hums a little tune to himself, deciding to dance along to the meaningless improvised song. The loud booming from the music inside the building reaches his ears, but Chanyeol strongly believes that his own songs and dance moves are better. Leaning back on the steps, a rather good sensation washes over him, and he can’t help but assume that he must be glowing at the moment._

  


_His thoughts venture, and soon he’s whining softly and pouting like a child. Oh, how he wishes that he could dance with his Baekhyun— take his pretty hand and lead him out to the dance floor, wind his fingers around those curvy hips and dance with the only rosebud in the entire world._

  


_Sighing in content at the mere thought of his lover, Chanyeol grins cheekily and thinks about how beautiful he looks tonight, but truthfully, every inch of said lover shines everyday no matter the time._

  


_God, he’s such a lucky man._

  


_Feeling a sudden urge to meet Baekhyun’s chocolate eyes, the tall man stands up immediately, wobbling a little and scolding himself— he’s usually very tolerant with alcohol, so why does he feel so drunk?_

  


_After a bit of helpless searching, (He’s outside… The wedding reception is inside, where everyone else is.), Chanyeol growls lowly as he plops on the floor grumpily, deciding to just give up. The little vixen had run off with the bride and a couple other bridesmaids earlier, claiming that it was ‘their’ time. His boyfriend hasn’t seen him since, and it doesn’t help that a drunk Chanyeol usually means Excessively-Needy-Chanyeol._

  


_He groans and lies down, flailing his limbs around in the air as if that’ll help him. Baekhyun isn’t even a bridesmaid, for goodness sake. Why the fuck did he leave him alone?_

  


_“My god, will you quit complaining already?” A voice says with a tsk, and the confused-drunk squints up to see who the newcomer is. Taking no time to recognize him, Chanyeol’s eyes crinkle up as he beams, reaching out to hug the legs of a startled male like a vine, limbs winding with his own._

  


_“Soo!” he draws out the name to an annoying extent, making the other flinch. “You’re here!” Despite Kyungsoo freaking the hell out and trying to kick him off, Chanyeol holds him close with an oblivious grin across his face. After a bit of useless attempts at trying to get away, the younger sighs in defeat and sits down beside him awkwardly, tensing when Chanyeol still manages to hold him like a leech in the most uncomfortable position whatsoever._

  


_He grumbles. “Fuck you, Chanyeol. If Jongin sees us like this, then I'm sure he’ll shove cake down your throat. However, if Baekhyun sees us, then I doubt you'll be living tomorrow—” He’s interrupted by a loud and boisterous noise, the sound is a cross between a groan and a whine. Furrowing his eyebrows in mere disgust, Kyungsoo suddenly gains the strength to shove the tall man off of him._

  


_“Don’t you freaking dare throw up on me,” he glares, but Chanyeol just laughs and tells him to calm down, saying he’ll keep it in with a light pat on his stomach. It’s almost like the action was some sort of switch, because he suddenly remembers why he was upset in the first place— crying out, Chanyeol clutches his chest, whispering something about it hurting._

  


_Kyungsoo opens his mouth to ask if he’s alright, but soon the other grabs him by the tie with frantic movements, eyes wide and distressed. “I fucking miss him.” Pursing his lips as he sighs exasperatedly, Kyungsoo tells him that Baekhyun should be back soon._

  


_Although, maybe those four words hold a whole other meaning for Park Chanyeol._

  


_Instead of nodding and calming down, Chanyeol grips his tie even tighter in a way that could choke him if he moved a little, but… Kyungsoo lets him do it. “Fuck, I miss him. I want to say that I don’t know why and how it’s gotten this bad, but I do. I know.” He lets go then, but has no intention of discontinuing. It’s the first time that Chanyeol has properly opened up to the other. Before, yes, he’d admit when he was upset, or would go to him for advice on how to be better for Baekhyun. Albeit, he has never, not once, opened up his heart like this._

  


_Holding his breath, Kyungsoo closes his eyes and listens._

  
  


———

  
  


The small male tugs him down the street with impossible excitement in his steps, skipping randomly in ways that force Chanyeol to do so too. It almost feels like they’re really out on a date together, and that after this, everything will be alright. They’ll take off their makeup, costumes, and façades, holding each other close as the director calls it a day.

  


Stuck in the harsh reality, Chanyeol wants to close his eyes and get this over with, the game of walking on eggshells really doesn’t sit well with him. Together, they teeter and slip many times before making it to the edge, only to fall back into each other and keep moving forward. He hates how easily Baekhyun can sweep away every single problem up and out of his grasp.

  


_Slipping between his fingers._

  


The light is slipping away, and Chanyeol is letting it happen. But—

  


_Not tonight._

  


Telling himself that he can do this for his lover, the other keeps up with him effortlessly, his change in behavior doing wonders to his energy— Baekhyun looks over his shoulder to take a peek because he notices too, and can’t help the giggle that escapes from his lips when Chanyeol sticks his tongue out at him.

  


_Just one night._

  


Hand-in-hand, they bound down streets and sidewalks, basking in the nightlife of Seoul around them. People watch them from afar— it’s quite funny, actually, how much we take from what we perceive around us. To their eyes, the tall man and the shorter look like happy friends. Maybe even a happy couple.

  


What they don’t know, is what they’ll never see.

  


_Baekhyun, I admire you._ Slowing down abruptly, Chanyeol grins when the strength in his pause nearly causes Baekhyun to take a tumble. Fortunately, the younger stops him from doing so with gentle hands and strong arms. With a pair of soft eyes, Baekhyun gazes up at him, smiling in a way that makes the other man’s heart stop dramatically. _Despite everything, you stand so strong._

  


It’s simple, how much they seem to connect. It’s just really too bad that these moments are so painfully rare, if only this were permanent.

  


_I admire you, my strong rosebud. I have many words to say to you, just like you to me._ “Let’s… go get some ice cream.” _There may be light for us at the end of this road, but I don't want you to suffer anymore._ Baekhyun's smile only grows at those words, patting his hand lightly as a signal for him to let go.

  


Chanyeol continues to stare deep in his eyes for a couple moments more, voiceless and frozen with unexplainable emotions racking his insides. He's a complete mess. When Baekhyun says his name slowly, yet teasingly, the taller clears his throat and sets him upright.

  


_I’m going to let you go._

  


Baekhyun merely chuckles at him, lacing together their fingers when Chanyeol doesn’t seem like he wants to let go. He should learn how to, he knows, but deep down, he can’t even bother to think about how he’ll be when the sun finally rises. When it’s that time, their moments together will be finished, and their love will be locked away for good, left to be untouched as bittersweet memories.

  


And Chanyeol realizes that this is what Baekhyun is trying to do when they walk into the ice cream parlor; it’s their last time as a couple, and after this, they will go off on their separate ways. _What if we pretended everything was normal?_ Baekhyun had suggested earlier. He wants one last memory. A good one, one that he can look back at and cry, maybe, but eventually, he’ll appreciate it. He’ll learn how to be thankful for the time they spent like this.

  


Chanyeol watches the man have an internal debate with himself on what he should have for dessert, unable to look away from the adorable sight before him.

  


He knows.

  


One last night as _them—_ while people would cry and waste their last moments being broken-hearted, these two are doing the opposite. _A memory he can use;_ Chanyeol gets the chance to fulfill his job as a boyfriend, but instead of with negative vibes, Baekhyun insists they act like they once were.

  


Two teenagers, and helplessly in love.

  


It’s dangerous to tread in these waters, especially if you both still obviously love each other dearly, but it’s better than nothing. Bittersweet, sweet finding its own way inside their story.

  


The cashier tells them that they look good together when it’s their turn, winking at them as she scoops their ice cream in cups. Baekhyun glances at him over his shoulder with a smile and pink cheeks, making Chanyeol melt inside from the sight. Just one grin and the giant is weak in the knees, screwed over for what’s to come. With a thumping heart, he bends down and kisses his cheek, deeming it enough for himself and his soul.

  


_Our love can never be._

  
  


They sit together, close and tight, shoulder-to-shoulder on the bench. The taller can't stop himself from watching Baekhyun out of the corner of his eye, silent thoughts and unanswered questions exploding in his mind. He bites his tongue in order to hold his shit together, knowing damn well that he’s not going to last until the end.

  


Sensing his tension, the older purses his lips, and impulsively digs his spoon into Chanyeol’s ice cream cup, saying absolutely nothing as he stuffs it inside his mouth— even when the other gapes at him.

  


Chanyeol doesn’t mind sharing, but when it comes to his dessert, what’s his, is _his._ Glaring at the smaller, he shakes his head, but nonetheless snarls playfully. Baekhyun just giggles lightly, merely punching his shoulder before deciding to lay on it. Chanyeol doesn’t wrap an arm around him, nor does he even rest his own head on his.

  


It’s quiet.

  


They watch the stars together again that night as they eat their ice cream, one counting them and the other simply admiring their beauty as his mind tumbles endlessly.

  


“The stars,” Baekhyun whispers, voice soft and delicate, taking one last bite of his treat as he closes his eyes. Chanyeol knows what’s coming before it does, and he too closes his eyes.

  


“D-don’t you love watching them?” A question so awfully familiar and one that neither of them could ever forget; it sticks to them like glue of their own across their hearts, leaving them to never _ever_ forget it. This is what started their journey, and what led them down such a path that the young-them hadn’t expected.

  


Chanyeol would like to say that he doesn’t know what Baekhyun wants, but he can't. He knows _exactly_ why, and the thought alone makes goosebumps arise all over his body. The emotions that threaten to bombard him are indescribable, and the shorter does nothing but encourage them unknowingly.

  


_‘Yes, I love him so much.’_ Chanyeol chooses not to say anything.

  
  


———

  
  


_continued._

  
  


_“It feels like I’m balancing in the middle of a tightrope. On one side, you have… swimming,” the giant says slowly, looking off into the parking lot solemnly. “On the opposite side, you have Baekhyun. People are constantly telling me to choose, yelling from below. I start to wobble my way over to my boyfriend, but all of a sudden, I get offered an opportunity in the States that other swimmers would kill for.”_

  


_Chanyeol scratches his elbow, only to hold it close to his body in a sense of comfort, smiling a little to himself. “In order to not choose and stay fair, I attempt to balance in the middle and not move a muscle. But… it’s not possible. While I'm trying to make myself satisfied, it’s harder than it looks, and much more than what I initially thought.”_

  


_Kyungsoo doesn’t need to nod along, or make any sounds to ensure that Chanyeol is being heard. Instead, all the other does is stay completely frozen, keeping himself composed in respect. Although not fully comprehensive, the taller truly is still thankful._

  


_“I… I want both sides, because I know that both of them are my dreams. But— no matter what, I can’t choose both. Not without one falling short suddenly because of the other, or because I fail to improve, or because I fail to be the boyfriend I had once promised to be.” Chanyeol laughs, completely aware of his insecurities spilling out from the confines of his mouth, each little arrow ready for him to throw as far as he could._

  


_But they’re stuck to him, they cling onto him for dear life, while taking his life in the process. Punishing and threatening, they burn his body, ripping him into shreds for the happiness he wishes he could give. “You have no idea how much I fucking love that man,” he murmurs quietly, hugging himself instead of his elbow this time, and Kyungsoo finally moves, bowing his head. “I love him so much it hurts. And you know what? I love him so much that it not only hurts myself, but god— have you seen Baek? Have you seen how hurt he gets because of me?”_

  


_His voice changes drastically every second and at every question, the tone of a purely broken-hearted man cutting through. “You of all people would know, I’m sure he’s called you crying many times because of me.” bitterly, he tries to laugh, but it soon turns into a prolonged sigh. “He deserves so much better, but… I don’t want him to go. Fuck, Soo,” he cries, shaking violently. Kyungsoo holds his arms open, immediately petting his hair when Chanyeol crashes into him, sobbing into his shoulder. “H-he deserves t-the goddamn world, t-that Baekhyun. I… I want him to be h-happy.”_

  


_Such words, although managed just barely as he sobs uncontrollably, makes Kyungsoo realize how much of a wonderful guy Chanyeol really is. Softly, he says what the older has never been told in his life, “You deserve to be happy as well, Chanyeol. Remember that.”_

  
  


———

  
  


Because he chose not to say what he’d hoped to hear, Baekhyun, although attempting to hide it, slumps a little in defeat. Wanting to get out of there as soon as possible, he grabs his and the swimmer’s empty cups, tossing them into a nearby trash with his lips stretched into a thin line. Trudging back with legs heavier than ever, Baekhyun drags his feet just a bit, pouring out his emotions through his actions so he’ll have nothing left to do something that he’ll regret later. He leaves behind a crooked line in the dirt, drawing it out with each tug. _What was he expecting? That Chanyeol will still love him?_

  


The petit sighs, reaching down to pinch his thigh through his pants. _In his dreams._

  


Perhaps he gave up a little too quickly though, because out of nowhere, when he comes back, Chanyeol’s arms are flinging around the smaller to pull him to his chest, having no intention of the awkward position of being sideways to ruin it.

  


Moments after he settles in the space where his shoulder and neck meet, Chanyeol allows the tears to fall. Salty, wet, soft— everything that he’s been trying so hard to keep inside spills out until he’s crying for more than one thought and emotion, choosing to keep Baekhyun secure in his arms while he has the chance to. To be honest, the younger isn’t even sure if he’s seeking comfort, reassurance, or simply something else. Stuck in a ditch that gets deeper by the second, Chanyeol is left to rot alone, knowing his lover will leave him soon makes him shrivel up in disbelief.

  


Right now, he hugs him as tight as he can.

  


And that— that’s what matters most to Chanyeol. To be able to hold the other firmly before his moments are up.

  


_I’m going to let you go._

  


When Baekhyun’s arms curl around his abdomen and he presses his lips against his ear tenderly, tightening his hold to ensure him that _yes, he’s here,_ Chanyeol lets go completely, setting free his emotions and watching them fly like loose balloons. Weightless. Free.

  


He sobs until it hurts, ugly-crying until his whole body aches and his throat is sore, uncaring of people’s malicious and curious stares, hoping that the stars shining above will provide him with what he needs to get through the night. Chanyeol knows he’s really just a big baby, feeling guilty that Baekhyun has to deal with all his bullshit, that is, until the taller feels the pitter-patter of droplets on his shoulder, feeling the older shake softly as he cries too.

  


Silent, always so careful, but— _never alone._

  


Chanyeol holds him tighter, and soon they’re both such a mess, clinging onto each other in desperate manners. No one needs to say anything, and that’s when they come to realize that they connect better with touches and gazes, no words needed to explain how or what they feel. When violent tears reduce to soft, dried up ones, they yet again, sit in complete and utter quiet.

  


With heavy hearts and slightly swollen eyes, they count the stars together.

  


Society says that a real man would be ashamed of such emotions, and that he is no longer the strongest for having let loose so irresponsibly. Instead of being embarrassed, they show their stained cheeks with pride, and most importantly, don’t bother to hide how perfectly their hands fit together.

  


Cocking his head to the side to watch the man beside him, Baekhyun doesn’t even get to enjoy the view before he stifles a loud laugh, covering his mouth with his free hand. Chanyeol looks over at him, confused, but soon the brunet is doubling over and clutching his stomach.

  


_“We—_ we… look like… like such a mess,” Baekhyun manages between fits of laughter, and the taller can’t help but be stunned by his beauty, unable to handle and comprehend how one could look like he’s got jewels shining in his eyes instead of tears. Baekhyun reaches out and cups his cheeks with his soft hands, purposefully mushing them so that his lover gazes back at him as a fish.

  


“We’re so weird, Yeol.” _Yes, but that’s what makes us so beautiful._

  


Moving the head in his hands from side-to-side, Baekhyun grins at the unamused Chanyeol, perhaps enjoying the moment more than he should. It’s amazing how quickly he can shift the mood. Making a noise in awe, the brunet pulls away, only to slap his cheeks with a childish giggle. Despite being _molested,_ Chanyeol’s heart warms up at the sweet little sound and the happiness radiating off of him, reminding him of many things all at once.

  


It’s things like this that he wants to keep in his heart, tattoo it across his soul, and think about when he’s about to go to sleep.

  


Before he knows it, he’s leaning forward when Baekhyun is too busy making fun of him to notice, the intentions of fulfilling his craving too strong to put off any longer. He stares intensely at his red-rose-petal-lips, watching as they stretch into a dashing smile, feeling his insides burn as when he realizes how long he’s gone without them against his own.

  


“Can I kiss you?” Baekhyun freezes at the sudden question, dropping the other’s face rapidly once he sees how close they are, treating it like it burns to touch him. Said other doesn’t miss how Baekhyun’s eyes briefly glance at his lips, and _definitely_ doesn’t let the lick he gives his own go unnoticed.

  


Saying quiet and unresponsive, the shorter leans forward on his palms instead, closing the distance between them, and just as Chanyeol shuts his eyes with a racing heart, he hears a muffled laugh and rushed footsteps. _Fuck. He should’ve known._ Snapping them back open with a frown, he rolls his eyes when Baekhyun disappears into the park before them, rushing behind a sea of trees. Cursing, the caramel-haired stumbles to his feet, dusting off his pants before breaking out into a sprint.

  
  


———

  
  
  


“Okay, well, _damn,”_ Chanyeol grumbles, slumping against a tree in defeat. “You win, baby.” remembering that he seriously could be anywhere nearby, the tall man sighs and raises his voice a bit more, forming a circle with his hands to cup around his mouth. “Um, _hello?_ Baekhyun, you win! I can’t find you, you… _beautiful… piece of shit!”_

  


Chanyeol winces as he hears it echo, secretly despising his voice, but also cursing when it dawns on him that Baekhyun really does have the ability to stay hidden until the wee hours of the early morning. Crossing his arms and ankles, he stands there awkwardly against the tree like an oddball, waiting and hoping for Baekhyun to waltz out. Any second would be good now.

  


“I hope you haven’t gotten kidnapped!” Chanyeol adds as a joke, laughing at himself, only for it to turn into a groan. Prone to danger, he sure hopes that the small vixen hasn’t gotten himself into some trouble. He brings up the hood of his maroon sweatshirt, tightening the strings so that it closes in on his face. He sighs. “Who am I kidding? You wouldn’t get snatched by the crustiest man even if you wanted to.” he waits a couple beats after the malicious comment, ready for any clue or sound that could possibly indicate that Baekhyun is nearby.

  


Much to his pure _joy,_ he receives nothing in response but the echo of his own voice again. Chanyeol frowns when it circles back once more, pushing off of the tree to scurry to the next. Although a sheen layer of sweat has formed from all that frantic running, (The park is _huge.),_ he’s even sweatier now, the possibility of Baekhyun likely being at risk makes him a little queasy as he hurries a bit more.

  


“I said that as a joke, by the way! We both know damn well that people would do anything just to get their hands on you.” he slumps against this tree, rubbing his face into his palms. “You’re a fucking treat, Baek. Makes me hate myself even more because I know how lucky I am… was. Well, now… where are—”

  


Chanyeol’s rambling gets cut off by a small hand that wraps around his right wrist, and almost immediately before he could shriek in surprise, he knows exactly whose it is. He holds his breath.

  


Baekhyun appears from behind that very tree, beaming as he studies the larger figure with his hands on his hips. “You were supposed to be the one to catch me,” he says with a hint of a small laugh, and Chanyeol just tugs him closer with a melodic hum, Baekhyun’s hands coming up to rest on his chest on instinct. The taller man just allows himself to get lost in those eyes, too fed up with being deprived to even care about anything else at the moment.

  


“Well, I’ve caught you now. Do I get anything for a prize?” Laughing once more, Baekhyun shakes his head, yanking him closer by the strings of his hoodie.

  


Once again, no other words need to be exchanged.

  


The moment their lips connect, it leaves the pair so impossibly light headed as it fills in a certain place in their hearts to make the pain dull out, faltering just slightly. In some other part of the world at the same time, someone shoots illegal fireworks into the sky. Perhaps this is how their relationship will always be, with an ending that stops them from being properly in love, yet the thrill keeps them going. Gliding. Flying.

  


They kiss like it’s the first time, somewhat hesitant and lost in the beginning, but then Chanyeol’s kissing him for all his worth, adding more pressure to it once they’ve tested the waters. Firm and reassuring— it’s quite wondrous how a single action could promise many things unintentionally, and all in one swift move. Baekhyun tilts his head, plummeting farther into their fantasy, letting the other deepen it as he returns the magic with the same amount of silent confessions and passion.

  


It may be the nth time they’ve kissed, but there’s something about being with someone who makes you feel like you’re on this endless roller coaster, each new turn and drop is unexpected— when you’re in love, you’re venturing the unknown with someone who makes those inner butterflies permanent.

  


When you’re in love, nothing could compare. _Ever._

  


You don’t just grab _anybody,_ tug them close, smack your lips against theirs and feel this way, as if you’ve been wild at sea your whole life, but one single brush of a kiss so soft turns you calm for the first time in _years._ And maybe, in your _entire life._ It’s moments like these where this strong emotion could compare to the help of an anchor, or even a blessing of gentle waves.

  


_Gentle._

  


_Love._

  


_Everything in between._

  


Baekhyun is the one to pull away with a racing heart, looking up at him with his lower lip caught between his teeth, hands fisting the other’s sweatshirt. Chanyeol opens his mouth to speak, but Baekhyun lowers his head, eyes crinkling faintly as they twinkle slightly.

  


_“I know.”_

  
  


———

  
  


With four hours left on the clock until sunrise, they arrived in the confines of their apartment with shaky, intertwined hands. Before they could say anything else to each other, Chanyeol murmured something about his need to use the bathroom before he dashed off, leaving Baekhyun alone in the kitchen. When he returned after scolding himself repeatedly in his mirror’s reflection, he was greeted with his little lover looking down at his feet as he twiddled his thumbs.

  


Chanyeol was rather flustered and quite confused at first, but when the soft music of a particular song filled the room and reached his ears, he froze and stared at the brunet in true incredulity. It was the song they used to blast in the car on both short trips to get gas, and longer ones to get to Baekhyun's hometown. It was the one that they could easily recite by memory, singing along as they harmonized tones— the romantic meaning only made it surpass many great things in the world.

  


To put it simply, it was _their_ song.

  


With reluctant steps, Baekhyun stepped forward with pursed lips and slightly shaky hands. It was obvious to see the immense willpower it took for him to meet the giant’s eyes, but he was doing it, and he was secretly proud of himself.

  


Then, eight words in the most confident-soft voice possible were asked. “... Will you let me take this last dance?” And so, that was how the pair wound up in each other’s arms, swaying along to the honey tone of Dean Martin’s _Blue Moon,_ reminiscing about countless things all in that single moment. There’s something so beautiful and moving about thinking of memories while creating one at the same time; to be living and breathing on this planet is truly so interesting.

  


With a wandering mind that doesn’t know how to stick to one thing, Chanyeol wondered for the nth time that night if things were really going to come to an end, asking himself if the older really had to go after this. _Did he want this?_ Boring his eyes into Baekhyun's, he unconsciously gripped his waist tighter.

  


The shorter merely stared back just as intensely, cursing inwardly when he realized how fucked up this all was, despite being the one with the _terrific_ idea in the first place. _No way_ could he not be in deeper love with the man before him, holding him so carefully, yet securely, whose warm, brown eyes held such delicate things and silent promises within. The hushed, romantic music may have swept them away, but _oh—_ they took away one another’s hearts.

  


Suddenly, they weren’t dancing anymore, glued on the spot, peering at each other in ways that made it seem like they were afraid to blink, conscious of the fact that their time together is limited. Baekhyun knows this especially, and so with hesitancy nowhere to be found, the short male leaned forward to connect their lips at the exact same moment Chanyeol had decided to as well.

  


The question is, who initiated it first, but all they could think about now was their hands on each other, warmth spreading between them beautifully.

  


There may not be anymore going back, but for sure, both wished that their love could bloom with no end.

  


Anyways, it was strictly, _the last night. Ever._

  


Baekhyun kept telling himself that, an annoying reminder that kept nagging in order to ensure that he won’t lose grip of reality. He made sure to not let himself forget.

  


And Chanyeol too.

  
  


———

  
  


“This is really the last of u- _s, oh god!”_ Breath hitching significantly as Chanyeol plants messy and dripping kisses across his stomach, Baekhyun's hands shoot up to twine themselves in his caramel hair, forcing him impossibly close. The swimmer’s lips linger with every move, as if afraid that the other will forget his touch. The same thoughts circulate through their heads, the panging reminder that indeed, this is their last time.

  


Chanyeol, in spite of feeling the urge to scoff at the bitter words that split his soul into two, sighs as he reluctantly peels away from his warmth to look down at him. With clear, unmistakable sorrow embedded deep in his eyes, he manages a small smile. “It may be so, but… I’m going to make it worthwhile.” With the underlying confidence in that statement, the tall man tugs his shorts and boxers down slowly, bending Baekhyun’s knees to his chest ever so carefully. Chanyeol tells him he’s the most beautiful thing as he presses his lips sweetly on a space that could be deemed unsanitary, but the emotions he pours into it would shut anyone up.

  


_Things are simple like this in the most beautiful ways possible,_ Chanyeol thinks when he watches Baekhyun rock himself back on his fingers sensually as if he’s in his own world. _Oh,_ the things he’d do to take his lover far away from there, with the intentions of loving him and _him_ only for the rest of their lives. Feeling the overwhelming lust and another forbidden feeling nip at his insides, Chanyeol holds back and kisses the back of his knee, taking a deep breath.

  


_One, two, three,_ the younger makes sure that the smaller is properly stretched, wasting no time when said smaller grabs his wrist and gasps out with his pretty lips, _I’m close._

  


Instead of pulling away, however, he pleasures his baby to the _fullest,_ making sure to accentuate the point of _his_ pleasure being first. _His_ care. _His_ happiness. Baekhyun gazes up at him, forcing himself to hold eye contact while his lower lip shakes. He releases like that, panting to help himself calm down. The other tells him he did lovely, but soon Baekhyun is reminded of his hunger for more.

  


_Fullest_ being literally, Chanyeol slips in smoothly with the help of lube and warm saliva, halting all movements patiently as he waits for the discomfort on Baekhyun’s face to morph into something more ensuring. When he’s finally all the way in and the love of his life rasps at him to move, Chanyeol does, his movements slow and deep, intentions on lasting for a longtime, set.

  


“I’m going to show you what feelings have been gathered up inside of me because of you,” the man murmurs as he thrusts, making sure his grip on the backs of Baekhyun’s thighs is gentle, and nowhere near rough. He leans down, pressing his lips against one of the love bites that are scattered across his body. Chanyeol doesn’t dare take his eyes off of him.

  


He wants to suck this all in like a greedy sponge, holding in the memory as one he’ll never erase from his mind, enjoying it while it’s real. For years, he was the luckiest man, and now— it’s ending for good.

  


“I want to show you, Baek, how much I lo…” he tries not to choke up on his speech, but it's _so hard._ “... how much I wish life could be like this for us everyday.” Chamyeol trembles, moving his arms so that he’s holding his baby’s head in his hands, observing as his face contorts into faces of endless pleasure, the bittersweetness of this being the last time he gets to see this, squeezing his heart.

  


“I'm sorry,” Chanyeol hesitates once they finish, cock still inside Baekhyun as per request, hugging him to his chest. The ultimate comfort and mere satisfaction doesn’t awaken either one’s arousal, but simply causes the smaller to feel promised safety. The other raises an eyebrow, getting ready to joke at those two words, but then he _sees_ Chanyeol’s glassy eyes. Then, he _hears_ his broken voice and how it cracks, emotions weighing down his heart. “Chanyeol—”

  


_“I’m so sorry,”_ the taller forces out, holding him with all he can, trying to grasp onto the comfort he needs, but knows he doesn’t deserve. “I-I know we said no crying, and _goddamnit,_ I _know_ apologizing isn’t enough for all I’ve done to you; how I’ve treated you… _god,_ lov— Baek, I’m sorry I can’t… I can’t give you what you need and deserve.”

  


Chanyeol tilts his head to the side to hold in the tears that threaten to spill, willing himself to keep it together. When his eyes dry slightly, he continues. “I want to give you so much. I want to give you the fucking world, and I want to be the only one in this lifetime to hold you, love you, _cherish you— ugh—”_ he tells himself to quit it, but he can’t say what he needs to say without choking up.

  


Yes, he’s emotional. Yes, he’s weak. But— that’s what makes him so manly.

  


_“Shit._ Baekhyun, Baek…” Chanyeol cups his cheeks, kissing him delicately and long, not even bothering to stop his tears anymore. _“... I love you.”_

  


And yet again that night, the taller feels the moment his heart breaks, knowing that even though he’s said those cursed words, it won’t do anything. Their relationship is ill-fated, always hurting each other. _He's_ always hurting the brunet. Baekhyun wants to shut his eyes and turn away to make the pain lessen a bit more, but instead, he keeps them open as he takes Chanyeol’s large hands in his own.

  


The comfort deep inside of him gives him what he needs, reminding him that truly, he’s never alone. Unconsciously, he clenches down, lips trembling as he basks in the feeling of _this love._ No matter what path they go down, or whomever they choose to adore in the future— their hearts will remember.

  


“It’s not your fault, Yeol.”

  


“What are you saying?” the taller shakes his head, bringing his palm to his own chest, holding it where his heart is as if to calm himself down. “I’ve hurt you countless of times and—”

  


Soundlessly, Baekhyun reaches up, tracing Chanyeol’s features with his fingers. He goes over the small freckles just under his eyes, brushes against his eyebrows and his lips, going over to his ears to kiss them softly.

  


And then, in his ear, he whispers, _“I forgive you. Be happy for me, Yeollie. Promise me.”_

  


The man looks down at him and into Baekhyun's eyes, and there it is, the answer to everything and anything at all. _God, how is Chanyeol going to ever find love again?_ Brown eyes with the reflection of the moonlight in them, Baekhyun stares up at him, the gentle light of the lamp beside them hitting his face and complimenting his features.

  


He watches. He gazes.

  


Chanyeol’s heart throbs.

  


“What if I never love again?”

  


Baekhyun's eyes have filled with tears that roll down his cheeks, shiny crystals of pain and sorrow of his own. “Then, Yeol, my sweet, _sweet love,”_ he says, caressing his cheek. “If five years from now, you still haven’t found love, then come find me.” The brunet squeezes his hand, connecting their lips once, twice, thrice. They taste the salt of their kiss, the bitter in their sweet love.

  


“And I guarantee you…” Baekhyun trembles, holding in every sob in order to talk properly. “If you ask me to marry you then, I’ll… _my heart— it’ll never change.”_

  


_Ever._

  


_Goodbye, my love. Fly like how you should, smile like you should, laugh, exist— cry for the most beautiful reasons possible, and don’t you dare deprive yourself from happiness._

  


_You deserve it most, Chanyeol._

  
  


⋆⋆⋆⋆  
  


_— ten years later._

  
  


A man so overwhelmingly tall gazes out at the view before him, unable to comprehend how _real_ everything really is. _Too real,_ perhaps, because the sight looks exactly like a painting, and he yet again thanks the universe for his ability to see. Beaming, the thirty-two-year-old sighs in content. Although he doesn’t swim anymore, he has taken onto coaching a lovely teen who swims with precision much alike to how he used to.

  


They’ve come to Paris for the Olympics— his student, Kang Taehyun, is participating this year, and by the looks of it, _his coach doesn’t want to be cocky,_ but he strongly believes that the youngling will do great. They’ve worked hard— _Taehyun_ has worked hard for this moment, and to say that the retired swimmer is proud is truly an understatement.

  


After they arrived at their room in _Building D04,_ the older had immediately set out for the Eiffel Tower, claiming he needed to get his mind off of certain things. And so, he’s here, looking out at the Seine River and various buildings, grateful for the seemingly perfect weather at the moment. It’s near-sunset and very few clouds are out, complimenting the pastel colors littered across the sky above.

  


Deciding to capture this moment, the man turns around to find someone as tribute to take his photo, smiling immediately when he finds someone. He marches up to the person with his phone in hand, ready to take the picture. “Excuses me,” he begins. “I was wondering if—”

  


His phone starts ringing, and he looks down at his phone to see _‘Honey’_ staring back at him. He rolls his eyes, knowing that his girlfriend probably just needs money. _Again._ He turns his attention back to the stranger, rather taken aback to see said stranger looking at his ringing phone with… a frown?

  


“Sorry about that— do you mind taking a picture of me?” The tall man asks politely after hanging up, not forgetting to grin, knowing it still makes people weak despite his age. Only then does he notice the other male’s height compared to his; himself being much taller. He notices his lean figure and his curves. Clad in a red button-up dress shirt paired with tight leather pants, the first two buttons are undone so pretty milky skin shows slightly. His hair looks soft to touch, styled a bit to show a snippet of his forehead, framing his face just so beautifully.

  


_A breathtaking rosebud._

  


A little older now, Baekhyun stands before his eyes, hair dyed caramel. Chanyeol stares at his rosebud, fighting the urge to cry out. He had dyed his own hair brown.

  


The petit smiles.

  


And then, their eyes meet.

  
  
  
  
  
  


_— fin._

**Author's Note:**

> you're probably wondering wtf was that ending and: i'msorrybutnotreally ??? lollololol  
> i want you guys to imagine what happens next. will chanyeol break up with his girlfriend? is baekhyun dating someone? is he married? will they get married? wait, but it's been over five years !!!!!!!! yes, exactly. now imagine it. :>
> 
> i hope you guys were able to feel with both characters. yes, chanyeol might've been a bad boyfriend sometimes, but i tried to accentuate that he's a really good guy. if it wasn't clear, he'd always put baek first because he loves him.
> 
> this is where you ask: how come they didn't just stay together? well, they've tried to before. it always ended up the same; they were young and chanyeol had a dream. their relationship wouldn't have lasted, and especially since baek in this fic is someone who needs the attention, and the romance he was once promised.
> 
> anyways, i hope this wasn't as bad as i thought. leave a comment and kudos! (unless you don't want to then that's okay eEEE)


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